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Takers

September 2nd, 2010 by Blake
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If Inside Man is a heist film for grownups, and Ocean’s 11 is for adolescents, then John Luessenhop’s new film Takers is for prepubescences who would be in to xXx had they not been two when it was released.  Sure, some of the ingredients were there to make an average, or even above average action film, but they weren’t put to use properly.

The Takers are a band of sophisticated thieves that work wisely, and enjoy the finer things in life: Land Rovers, private rooms at exclusive clubs, expensive booze and cigars, and tailored clothes.  The George Clooney of this crew is certainly Gordon (Idris Elba), and his Brad Pitt is John (Paul Walker).  A former member of their crew named ‘Ghost’ (played by rapper T.I.) is released from a five year stint in prison, tracks down his former colleagues and convinces them to do one hurried, but very lucrative deal.  On the flip side, two  cops (Matt Dillon, and Jay Hernandez) are working against them.

The following contains minor spoilers.

I was a little astounded at the amount of material that was borrowed from The Italian Job.  The major heist pulled off in the film involves the gang hacking into the city system that controls street lights to help direct an armored truck to a specific location where explosives blow a hole in street where the crew is waiting below.  Really Leussenhop?  Four people are credited with writing the script, and this is the best you could come up with?  At one point, we’re asked to believe that Hayden Christensen (weighing in at a buck twenty tops, and wearing a fedora) could easily take on three enormous guidos with bats.

That’s not to say it was all bad.  There were hints and glimmers of a solid film.  Elba is quite captivating on screen, as always.  The talented Marianne Jean-Baptiste plays his crack head sister.  She’s always a pleasure to watch.  And it turns out that T.I. isn’t such a horrible actor.  I was slightly confused at the casting of Chris Brown, however.  Every time he leaned in to do a one-armed man huge, I wanted to shout out to the screen, ‘Careful, that dude’s going to bite you!’  The best part of the film is the first half, where time is allowed for the characters and suspense to build up at a nice, even keel.  Even after that, there are some thrilling action sequences that start out pleasing, but end up absurdly defying logic and physics.  It was a valiant effort, but in the end, it flops.

Bitchin' Stars: ★½☆☆

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Bitch about it

September 1st, 2010 by Blake
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In ‘Bitch about it,’ I want to hear what you have to say! Especially since I usually don’t have a clue.

It’s painfully clear that I will not be able to watch all the movies there are.  That kind of sucks.  Even if I could just watch movies all day, every day, it’s impossible.  So the question comes to all of us, what  movies do you watch with the limited amount of time you have to watch them?  I’m asking all of you, readers of Bitchin’ Film Reviews:

WHAT IS YOUR MOST RELIABLE SOURCE OF MOVIE RECOMMENDATIONS, AND HOW DID IT EARN THAT STATUS?

I found very early on that my movie tastes aligned quite well with Peter Travers of Rolling Stone.  For years, he was the single voice I listened to when it came to well established critics.  My brother-in-law knows movies better than I do, and his word was as good as gold as well.  But as my tastes were evolving, I moved to the rating aggregate site Rotten Tomates to give me a more broad understanding of how well certain movies are received.  I have since stopped reading Peter Travers (the straw that broke the camel’s back was a positive review of The Taking of Pelham 123), and have moved almost exclusively to reading reviews from the critics at The New York Times. Whether or not I agree with their opinions, they at the very least back up their statements and break down the film for me analytically.  Lastly comes social media.  Without all the blogs I follow, I would miss a ton of great films.  I’d list you all by name, but that would take way to long.

So in short, I get 99% of my film recommendations from:

  • Social media
  • The New York Times
  • Rotten Tomatoes

Please folks, share with me your sources so I can find more bitchin’ films.

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Centurion

August 31st, 2010 by Blake
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Neil Marshall won a lot of favor with The Descent, and quickly lost it all with the ridiculous Doomsday. This made his next, and fourth film somewhat important. He could be relegated to the likes of Shyamalan, or he could rebound like Danny Boyle after he churned out flops like A Life Less Ordinary. Which path did he choose with Centurion, which both wrote and directed? Well it seems I forgot a third option: following up a turd with a mostly mediocre film, backed up by a solid effort, like Michel Gondry when he went from Eternal Sunshine, to The Science of Sleep, to Be Kind Rewind.

Centurion‘s cast has much to boast.  Michael Fassbender plays the lead, a Roman soldierr named Quintus Dias.  As a soldier of Rome, he’s attempting to conquer the lands to the north of the empire (in what is now Scotland) from a feral and brutal people called Picts, when his battalion is destroyed.  He escapes and is rescued by another group of Romans, led by General Titus Flavius Virilus (Dominic West), who is leading his own campaign against the savages. They are led by mute Pict who has supernatural tracking skills, played by Olga Kurylenko. Flavius’s 3,000 men are all but killed, and eight of them, including Quintus are left hundreds of miles behind enemy line and spent the rest of the film trying to return home safely.

Marshall spends no time at all getting to the much buzzed about gore. Any sort of medieval, brutal violence you can think of, Marshall found a way to fit it in. In fact, there is so much focus on getting to the blood, that when the film should have been focusing on developing his characters, he was figuring out how to get the biggest splatter pattern. Which is certainly a shame when you have someone as talented as Fassbender leading your cast.

It’s not all bad though. There are some fairly well choreographed fight scenes that keep the tension at an enjoyable level. Kurylenko, who was as entertaining as a wet blanket in Quantum of Solace, found her niche as a well talented actress, as long as she doesn’t speak. I found myself concerned about at least three of the final eight Romans, and they turned out to be the central in the plot, which was satisfying as the film winds down to a satisfying end, even if it is only on a superficial macho level.

Marshall couldn’t help but get political in a war film, even if it does take place in 117AD. Marshall warns, as if he is the only one who gets it, that invading a smaller local population could potentionally be dangerous, as the offense may not be prepared for new conditions, and new enemies. Yes, this part is boring, and it makes me wish he spent the thought he put into that message (and the violence), into making Centurion a bit better, a bit closer to the quality of The Descent. But he didn’t. So we’re left with this finished product that is just okay, when it could have been better. Sandal and sword fans will enjoy more than the rest of us.

Bitchin' Stars: ★★½☆

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Animal Kingdom

August 30th, 2010 by Blake
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It’s difficult to think of more than a couple of really outstanding Australian films. There’s The Proposition of course. Then there’s Spaz Luhrman’s films.  In fact, on this list of prominent Australian films of the 2000s, I’ve seen exactly eight.  Two of those are Luhrman, one was Wolf Creek.  So a film as well recieved  as Animal Kingdom (ninety five percent approval on Rotten Tomatoes, and won the Grand Jury Prize and Sundance earlier this year) demands to be seen as it could fairly be crowned as the best representative film out of that country in years.

The seriousness of the film is marked from the beginning.  The opening seen shows what we assume is a son, watching deal or no deal, next to his unconscious mother.  A few seconds later, EMTs show up, and the son, Darren, placidly explains that she took too much heroine, and then continues to watch the game show while they pronounce his mother dead.  This forces him to call his estranged grandmother, as he’s under eighteen and doesn’t quite know how to deal with the death of a relative.  His grandmother, Janine, welcomes into her crime family with open arms.

Darren is plunged into a world of the Cody family: drugs, drug dealing, larceny, police surveillance, and he doesn’t know what to do about it.  He’s both seduced by the arrogance of his new family, and disturbed by it.

The film is directed by David Michôd, and his self-assurance is remarkable.  There is nary a misstep here. and the film ends up being so effective, you’ll feel like you need to shower after leaving the theatre.  This isn’t to say Michôd, who also wrote the script, isn’t restrainted.  More things were hinted at than were actually shown on screen.  Michôd was actually quite restrained and felt satisfied (as should you) that most of the darker secrets of the Cody family are only alluded to (incest, sexual abuse, violence).  And Michôd rounded up a remarkably able, and talented cast.  Particularly the actress who played Janine, Jacki Weaver, who is, perhaps, the most disturbing matriarch I’ve ever seen in a film.

The film starts rapping up just as the voice-over narration by Darren promised in the beginning: all criminals come apart.  An investigation led by a detective played by Guy Pearce makes Darren the star witness in a case against his uncles over the slaying of two young police officers.  No matter what you think, you won’t see how this whole story will wrap up, but I promise you’ll love every dirty, grimy second.

Bitchin' Stars: ★★★★

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Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

August 29th, 2010 by Blake
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I never quite understood why everyone was so excited with the trailer for Scott Pilgrim vs. the World was released. It looked kind of good. A little gimmicky, but most Michael Cera movies are, aren’t they? But the extremely good word of mouth the film was creating and a solid rating in the eighties at RottenTomatoes.com got me to see what all the fuss was about.  It reminded me that frequently, the buzz surrounding a movie is both true and deserved.

I think Michael Cera is mostly a chode.  I haven’t seen Arrested Development, but with films like Year One, and Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist, I choose to just say now.  Sure, I’ll give him some cred for being in a Drunk History episode, but so was Jack Black.  I’m digressing.  I don’t like Cera, so I wasn’t expecting to like him in Scott Pilgrim, but frankly, he kicked ass.

The trailers explained all about the plot.  Pilgrim meets a wicked hot chick that falls for him.  But as it turns out, he’s required (by rules never really explained) to fight and defeat her seven evil exes (these include a former girlfriend during her bi-curious phase, twins she dated at one time, and a movie star).

As everyone knows, the film is based on the comic books.  Edgar Wright and Michael Bacall adapted them to the big screen.  And Wright of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz fame, directed.  The majority of the film plays out as a video game.  Pilgrim frequently earn power ups, gets extra lives, and fights evil exes with mystical powers.  The cast is outrageously good.  Pilgrim’s sister is played by Anna Kendrick (sadly, I have to admit the story lines surrounding her character drag more than the rest of the film), Alison Pill plays a band mate, Kieran Culkin plays the gay roommate.  Aubrey Plaza, Chris Evans, Jason Schwartzman, Brandon Routh, the cast just goes on and on, and they’re great.

The references to scores of video games from the eighties and nineties will be greatly appreciated by those in my age bracket.  The effects are nothing to smirk at either.  Wright really knew what he was doing with pacing as well.  My greatest fear was a really slow beginning, and a boring ‘training phase’ where we would have to watch Cera learn all his impressive movies, but no.  The action starts from the beginning, and keeps you at the edge of your seat until the end.  This is fine summer entertainment.  And you should all go see it as soon as possible.  And bring a friend, the movie is bombing at the box office.

Bitchin' Stars: ★★★½

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Salt

August 28th, 2010 by Blake
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It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen Salt. I’m embarrassed to say that twelve year mild preoccupation with Angelina Jolie still has the power to get me to see her films opening weekend. Granted, not Friday night, but a Saturday matinée. The time has, however, allowed me to thoroughly process what I saw, and remove any sort emotions that would have made a review biased. This is what I’ve come up with: Salt sucks.

Immediately upon leaving the theatre, I would have had a different opinion, and mumbled something about how the script wasn’t Jolie’s fault, and her performance salvaged the weak plot.  I do still hold that she did the best with what she was given.  Unfortunately, she wasn’t given much.  And it can clearly be attributed both to Kurt Wimmer (Sphere, Law Abiding Citizen) who wrote the script, and director Phillip Noyce (The Bone Collector, Rabbit-Proof Fence).

The plot is as formulaic as action films go.  Jolie plays Evelyn Salt, a CIA agent, who’s accused by a Russian defector of being a sleeper agent still around from the Cold War.  Is she?  Or isn’t she?  You’ll have to wait and see, but it does seem suspicious that she goes on the run immediately after this accusation.

I’ll give props to Wimmer for this throwback to the Cold War.  There are plenty of movies already about it, but I’m so damn tired of movies based on Iraq and Afghanistan that any change of pace is welcomed.  And this movie coinciding with the discovery of real Russian agents planted in the US for years is a lucky, and intriguing course of events that whets the appetite for this sort of film.  But would it have killed you, Wimmer, to not write like a hack?  Seriously.

And what the hell happened to Chiwetel Ejoifor.  His career started out so promising.  Now he’s showing up in second rate action films, and stuff like 2012.  I get it, he has to pay the bills.  Liev Schreiber was pretty disappointing as well, playing Salt’s uber-boring boss with a monotone voice.  The studio basically didn’t end the film so, once reviewing the films gross, they can plan, or cancel any forthcoming sequels.  The whole thing felt like a sham, and although I got to ogle Jolie doing some pretty cool stunts and fight scenes for two hours, I feel dumber for watching it.  And even more foolish for being twenty five and going to see this alone.  I’ve made myself sad now.

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The Kids Are All Right

August 27th, 2010 by Blake
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I realize that I’m a little Johnny-Come-Lately when it comes to The Kids Are All Right, but I can’t help but share my enthusiasm for this film. I will note that my tardiness is partly due to the lack of screenings in Salt Lake City.  I knew from all the reports that this is a movie I would really enjoy.  Julianne Moore is a genius (suck it haters).  And Annette Benning even more so.  And they play a lesbian couple named Nic and Jules?  Yes, please.  And it hits my area at a time when The Expendables and Step Up 3D are taking up a shameful number of screens.  Thank you indie film gods.

The film is directed by Lisa Cholodenko.  She also co-wrote the script with Stuart Blumberg, a former writer for MADtv.  I don’t know for sure if Cholodenko is a lesbian, but if I were to make a guess based on The Kids, this picture, and her history with the show The L Word, I’m going to stereotypically say that she just may be.  Either way, it doesn’t seem to matter as her film may have some subtle political subtext, but overall, it didn’t seem too… in-your-face-overturn-Prop-8-now!  Her story is simply about a family.  The ups, and downs, the joys and the pains.  It just happens that there are two moms in this family, and no dad.  Until the sperm donor, played by Mark Ruffalo shows up and starts spending times with Nic and Jules’ kids (played exceedingly well by Mia Wasikowska, and Josh Hutcherson).  As you can imagine, jealousy, mistrust, and confusion start to destabilize this otherwise established family.

What convinces me that Cholodenko doesn’t have any sort of political agenda is the completely lake of prejudice against the family because of the two women who have chosen to create a family together.  I’ll admit, this was a relief.  I personally don’t have a problem with gay marriage, but I prefer not to use the struggle for acceptance as entertainment in my films.  Cholodenko chose to spent her time examining the dynamic of this family, and she did it very well.  During one scene in the film, Nic and Jules decide to try and accept Paul the sperm donor into their circle.  Over dinner, Paul makes a toast to an ‘unconventional family.’  Perhaps this is the best quality of the film, it demands us to really contemplate what makes a family?

Cholodenko’s pacing is excellent and she makes the best of every shot.  She truly is a gifted filmmaker, and you should all go see her film as soon as possbile.  Even though the chances are that you’ve all, all ready seen it.

Bitchin' Stars: ★★★★

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Eden Lake

August 25th, 2010 by Blake
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If you’ve seen Hunger, you can understand why I feel such allegience to Michael Fassbender. He’s outrageously talented and I look forward to all of his films. His upcoming project with Neil Marshall is particularly exciting. I haven’t gone through his back catalog yet however. And I should. So when my friend Miss Topanga from Breathing Movies reviewed the film Eden Lake, and recommended it, I rented it post haste.

Eden Lake is a remake of a French film called Them.  I haven’t seen Them, and now I probably will not.  Fassbender plays a man named Steve, whos’ taking his girlfriend Jenny (Kelly Reilly) to a secluded lake for a weekend to propose.  A particularly cruel group of teens and preteens create tension between Steve, Jenny and the gang.  It escalates quickly to violence, and the children, not seeing a way out, decide to kill the two and cover it up.  The rest of the film is a ‘will they escape or won’t they’ cat and mouse game.

This theme in film has become prevalent recently.  Films like Them, of course, and The Strangers come to mind.  Michael Haneke seems to have started it all with his film Funny Games.  But where Haneke’s talent comes in building tension while keeping the majority of the violence off screen, director James Watkins decided that in Eden Lake it’d be best to show it all.  In a particularly disturbing scene, a nine year old shoves a box cutter in Steve’s mouth and wiggles it around for a while.  This comes off a lack of confidence in Watkins’ ability to create and sustain tension.  Of which, there wasn’t much.  Sure, I cringed, and made sounds of disgust during the torture and violence, but I didn’t particularly care what happened to Jenny and Steve as their characters were not developed.  The outcome of the entire situation seemed completely clear a third of the movie in.  Which also took away from any sense of intrigue concerning the plot.

Fassbender’s performance was quite good, as was Reilly’s.  But without a sound story and direction behind these performances, the film logs and uninteresting entry in the torture porn genre, and actually would have benefited from some sort of political subtext or moral finger wagging.

Bitchin' Stars: ★★☆☆

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I want to rub this trailer all over me

August 24th, 2010 by Blake
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