Transporter 3

Ugh. Click here to see Natalya Rudakova… This movie is shit. I get that it’s just an action flick, that I shouldn’t expect very much, but does it have to be so bad, you cringe every time there’s any dialogue? There’s nothing new, or interesting in Olivier Megaton’s Transporter 3. Nothing.

While there’s not much of a plot, this is what I did manage to gather between the sloppy, lackluster fight scenes and car chases:  There are a bunch of greedy Americans, they’re trying to manipulate the evil Russians, oops, Ukranians.  There’s the suave British guy that looks good without his shirt on, who’s assisted in his attempts to stop all this crime by a clever French guy.  And of course there’s a dark, troubled Ukranian girl to tag along (this seems to be the movie accessory of the year).

The script is laughable.  Seriously, it’d be difficult not to giggle as poorly written lines are delivered even worse.  Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen should be ashamed of writing something so vapid.  Jason Statham is fine in a role that requires no more depth than an extra.  Natalya Rudakova is ridiculously horrible, and should have her SAG card torn up for this performance.  And the most blame lies with Megaton who seems to have put as much effort into this film as I put into brushing my teeth in the morning.  The action sequences aren’t even exciting.  Some of the fight scenes were well choreographed, but are short, and unbelievable.  It’s just not something you should waste money on.  Even those with the lowest expectations will be disappointed.  Avoid this.

½☆☆☆

Rottentomatoes: 36%Cream of the Crop: 35%

Comments
7 Responses to “Transporter 3”
  1. Anders says:

    Ouch!!
    I thought you’re twilight review had bite, this is brutal :P

    Although, I don’t know how this franchise even made it past film one. To warrant a third sequel that has made cinematic release, and for Statham to continue to do it, is beyond me.

  2. CinderRocks says:

    I loved this movie. You suck.

    ok ok JK. I’ve never actually watched any of the Transporter movies, but now I just might.

  3. Jessica says:

    Umm . . . I saw the first Transporter on a plane and thought that they had edited out all of the plot points and good dialog. Nope. It was just terrible all by itself. I see that the franchise has really lived up to its potential.

  4. Annette says:

    perhaps you should spend more time and energy on your teeth-brushing. (o:

  5. Aldo says:

    While the plot was indeed cringeworthy, I found the movie aesthetically pleasing (ignoring everything said, done, and implied in the movie).
    It was a very enjoyable film for the eyes. I thought the Ukrainian chick was decent – there was no part for her to play but a hung over Ibiza partygirl caught in a cross-European chase and organized crime feud. Also, I felt bad for her because everyone in the theater was hissing how ugly she is for having some freckles. Poor thing.

  6. Anh Khoi Do says:

    I just saw it yesterday. I myself didn’t think that the script had any potential unless you’re in for the gunfights and the fights.

    The problem is that the script dully focuses, during most of the time, on Frank’s mission: what he’s doing, what he’s told and the fights. Moreover, when the movie actually tries to put some emotions at the end, you just feel that the script becomes cheesy and predictable.

  7. So Blake, tell us what you really think. “Ugh. This movie is shit.” Well, I won’t be watching that one. :)

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