No Children Allowed: Six movie strippers that make me want to bring my singles to the theatre
Yeah, this should be a ‘top five’ list, but I couldn’t choose a girl to be benched. So deal with it.
6. Elizabeth Berkley as Nomi Malone – Showgirls
I’ll be honest, I’ve never seen Showgirls. But I did watch Saved by the Bell! And if you didn’t picture Jesse Spano naked, well, you may be playing for the other team. I didn’t see the movie, but I’m not dumb enough to make a ‘best movie strippers’ list and not include Ms. Berkley. She’s a sexy symbol for everyone.
5. Marissa Tomei as Cassidy – The Wrestler
Sure, she got on Mickey Rourke, and you could get syphilis just from sitting on a bar stool at the club she worked at, but Marisa Tomei as the stripper with a heart of gold in Darren Aronofsky’s The Wrestler has got the goods to get me going. Yes, I’d pay a little extra for a private dance with her.
4. Jessica Alba as Nancy Callahan – Sin City
Not really into the comic book adaptation genre. But what I do remember from Sin City is a terrifying little hobbit that cuts peoples’ faces, and a really, really sexy stripper named Nancy. Sure, she was the worst part of the cast, but just look at the picture, and let it go.
3. Salma Hayek as Satanico Pandemonium – From Dusk Till Dawn
Sure, her name is Satanico. She turns into a vampire and tries to kill George Clooney. Who cares? She’s, like, stupid hot. And she dances with a gigantic snake around her neck. What about this is not splooge worthy? Bonus points: Hayek plays a stripper in Dogma, too. Let’s hope she gets pigeonholed.
2. Rose McGowan as Cherry Darling – Planet Terror
Go-go dancing. Stripping. Whatever. All I know is Cherry Darling is hot. Both before and after her amputation. I can’t put into words the sexy she radiates, but there’s no denying it’s there, and it’s near over powering.
1. Natalie Portman as Alice – Closer
No one is hotter, or more damaged on this list than Alice from the film Closer. Or is her name Jane? Does it matter? It’s Natalie Portman in some very compromising positions jiggling her stuff to Prodigy’s Smack My Bitch Up. No more discussion is needed. Take me to the Paradise Suite, Alice!
Any fine actresses that play strippers that I missed? What’s your favorite of these pole-loving characters?