No Children Allowed: Six movie strippers that make me want to bring my singles to the theatre

Yeah, this should be a ‘top five’ list, but I couldn’t choose a girl to be benched. So deal with it.

6. Elizabeth Berkley as Nomi Malone – Showgirls

I’ll be honest, I’ve never seen Showgirls. But I did watch Saved by the Bell! And if you didn’t picture Jesse Spano naked, well, you may be playing for the other team. I didn’t see the movie, but I’m not dumb enough to make a ‘best movie strippers’ list and not include Ms. Berkley. She’s a sexy symbol for everyone.

5. Marissa Tomei as Cassidy – The Wrestler

Sure, she got on Mickey Rourke, and you could get syphilis just from sitting on a bar stool at the club she worked at, but Marisa Tomei as the stripper with a heart of gold in Darren Aronofsky’s The Wrestler has got the goods to get me going.  Yes, I’d pay a little extra for a private dance with her.

4. Jessica Alba as Nancy Callahan – Sin City

Not really into the comic book adaptation genre.  But what I do remember from Sin City is a terrifying little hobbit that cuts peoples’ faces, and a really, really sexy stripper named Nancy.  Sure, she was the worst part of the cast, but just look at the picture, and let it go.

3. Salma Hayek as Satanico Pandemonium – From Dusk Till Dawn

Sure, her name is Satanico.  She turns into a vampire and tries to kill George Clooney.  Who cares?  She’s, like, stupid hot.  And she dances with a gigantic snake around her neck.  What about this is not splooge worthy?  Bonus points: Hayek plays a stripper in Dogma, too.  Let’s hope she gets pigeonholed.

2. Rose McGowan as Cherry Darling – Planet Terror

Go-go dancing.  Stripping.  Whatever.  All I know is Cherry Darling is hot.  Both before and after her amputation.  I can’t put into words the sexy she radiates, but there’s no denying it’s there, and it’s near over powering.

1. Natalie Portman as Alice – Closer

No one is hotter, or more damaged on this list than Alice from the film Closer.  Or is her name Jane?  Does it matter?  It’s Natalie Portman in some very compromising positions jiggling her stuff to Prodigy’s Smack My Bitch Up.  No more discussion is needed.  Take me to the Paradise Suite, Alice!

Any fine actresses that play strippers that I missed?  What’s your favorite of these pole-loving characters?

Comments
11 Responses to “No Children Allowed: Six movie strippers that make me want to bring my singles to the theatre”
  1. Will says:

    Love the list. I would have them all a bit reordered with Marisa Tomei at the top of the list. She really steams up the screen in the Wrestler. Rose McGowan would be a close second. Portman and Alba both seemed a bit awkward in their roles to me, but are alluring nonetheless.
    Will´s last blog post ..Uncle Jasper reviews- Men from the Monastery 1974

  2. Colin says:

    Well, there was Jessica Biel with the candle in Powder Blue, for starters, and who could forget Jenna Jameson’s Oscar-worthy performance in ‘Zombie Strippers’?

  3. Great List. I sure had one hell of a laugh at, first, the very idea of 5 best strippers in movies, and second, your compose of the post.

    I wouldn’t really like to post any critical comments, as to who all could have been there or should have been there or would have been there. Don’t really want to reduce the fun I had reading it, and at times, placing myself on that bar stool, with a beer in my hand & eyes fixated on you-know-what ;P
    Shubhajit Lahiri´s last blog post ..Shukno Lanka Dry Red Chilli 2010

  4. Rachel says:

    If you watched Showgirls, your ranking of Elizabeth Berkley may fall off a bit. She has a sex scene in a pool with Kyle MacLachlan where she does nothing more than flop around like a fish on acid for a couple minutes. I’m not sure what she was going for but it was pretty anti-sexy.

    Otherwise, good list.
    Rachel´s last blog post ..Fridays New Feature Films- 9-10-10

  5. Blake says:

    @ Will – I actually talked to quite a few people that would have put Tomei higher. I’ll have to rewatch The Wrfestler since I don’t remember her being particularly scintillating.

    @ Colin – I though anout Jessica Biel, but hadn’t seen the movie. Nor have I seen the Jenna Jameson film. But I’ll add them to my Netflix queue.

    @ Shubjahit – Thanks man! Your comment made my day.

    @ Rachel – A fish on acid doesn’t sound sexy at all. Glad I haven’t seen that movie now.

  6. Harriet says:

    That was an interesting read, I’ve only seen Closer out of those films (and am not ordering the DVD because you’ve mentioned it twice and I really want to see it again!) and I agree, Natalie Portman is a very sexy actress.
    Harriet´s last blog post ..Used TAG Heuer Aquaracer

  7. Fletch says:

    I like the list, and love the choices, save this question from a perv: how many of them actually get nekkid? Failing grades for all but the Showgirl, I do believe. Boooooooo. :D
    Fletch´s last blog post ..30 dAyS oF cRaZy- Psycho

  8. Blake says:

    @ Fletch – Perv.

    :)

  9. mary austin says:

    sxy as helllllll

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