Twilight, as a movie, is a joke.  Literally.  It’s hilarious.  But I don’t think it’s supposed to be.  If you can’t find cash to see this film you can look into payday loans or wait till this hits the dollar theater and just save the money. It’s actually kind of insulting to the women who fall all over themselves for Edward Cullen (Robert Pattison who’s apparently come into his own since a brief stint as Cederic Diggory in the Harry Potter series).  This is clearly a vapid, poorly constructed story, that doesn’t have much appeal except that women fawn all over it because they wish the handsome, bad boy would risk his life and break all the rules for them.

Now, I haven’t read the books.  And I’m going to keep it that way.  I’m very disappointed in some of my male friends and family members who have given in to female, significant others and sold out (let’s see those same female significant others read Fight Club).  I won’t risk a synopsis here, for fear of making some mistake and having devout Twilight fans lash out at me.  But I’ll say it’s a cheesy romance story between a boring teenage girl (Kristen Stewart) and a hunky vampire that can’t seem to stay away from her.

I laughed out loud multiple times during the movie.  So did the nearly packed theater, full of dreamy-eyed, giggly girls.  I’m concerned it wasn’t supposed to be as funny as it was.  Director Catherine Hardwicke has proven to be an uneven director, with her previous films including Lords of Dogtown, and Thirteen.  As with both of those movies, there are some interesting moments, and a whole lot of uninteresting, self-indulgent ones.  With Twilight, there was more of the latter.  And it made for one lame-ass movie.  Unless you’re a die hard fan of the novels (and let me be clear, I’m passing no judgement on the books since I haven’t read them), you’ll be sorely disappointed by this dull story that will make you cry of boredom and tremble with disdain before its two whole hours are up.  For the love of God, skip this.


Rottentomatoes: 43% Cream of the Crop: 58%

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12 Responses to “Twilight”
  1. magicman says:

    If there was some veiled criticism at me in this review, I won’t hear it and I won’t respond.

    I can’t believe you begged me to go see this film.

  2. blake says:

    It’s not really veiled if I came right out and said I’m disappointed in my friends that read these books in order to please a chick. You’re my friend, this situation applies to you. You were her bitch. Suck on that.

  3. magicman says:

    That was a reference to Arrested Development, a critically acclaimed, Emmy nominated Television show any good movie blogger would know about. I bet Mitch knows about it. OH SNAP!

    Everyone read my review of TWILIGHT at please!

  4. ben says:

    That was a reference to Arrested Development, a critically acclaimed, Emmy nominated Television show any good movie blogger would know about. I bet Mitch knows about it. OH SNAP!

    Everyone read my review of TWILIGHT at please!

  5. Mad Hatter says:

    I read the book, but only out of curiosity…I picked it up on my own accord without any “female pressure”. Know what? I didn’t like it too much – but it’s light years better than the movie they made out of it.

    You’re absolutely right – especially as a guy, there is *no* reason to see this movie.

  6. Anh Khoi Do says:

    I didn’t read the book and I don’t intend to go watch Twilight. From I’ve heard, the love story is so corny.

    Besides, I guess that you decided to watch it because you were saying to yourself: “All right, readers, here’s the review of Twilight and I don’t ask me further questions about the movie! Happy, now?” As for your statement about female significant others who should read Fight Club, here in Canada, it’s like asking our significant others to spend a night watching a hockey playoff game.

  7. Jen says:

    Well, you know that I’m a huge fan of the books but I sort of agree with your review of the movie. There was just so much wrong with the movie. It was very disappointing.

  8. Nick Plowman says:

    I loved the book, so I am looking forward to the film, but not that much anymore…lol.

  9. Aldo says:

    I love unintentional humor, especially when a film is trying too hard. In all fairness, I have yet to see the movie, but I admit to have moderately enjoyed the book. It’s super emo!

  10. Blake says:

    I would never tell anyone this, but I’m pretty sure if I read the books, I’d enjoy them. It’s not like they’re going to be any worse than a Dan Brown novel. I do enjoy my guilty pleasures.

  11. Anders says:

    Where did this Twilight come from….
    a few months ago I was blissfully ignorant the the books and the movie, then all of a sudden I can’t go a day without it being referenced by someone. I hope it’s an overnight fad of sorts, cause it’s definitely not for me.

  12. Annette says:

    At the risk of being booed out of this cyber-room, I have to state my opinion. I am a woman, who loves the Twighlight series, and (gulp) one who coerced her significant other into reading them. He (who shall remain nameless for obvious reasons) is sort of a “he-man” kinda guy. He’s an athlete and a professional, and he liked the books. We both liked the movie. Sometimes one should not get caught up in the cinematography, plausibility or other points that one always hits on when criticizing a movie (the same critics usually look the other way, when it’s something they like). If a book or movie takes you into a world and makes you want to be there, in my view, it wins. You don’t have to like this movie, or read the books, but you really should give those of us who have, a wee bit of credit. I don’t want everything I read or watch be a comment on society with overtones of pretentiousness. This movie was fun for fans. DISCLAIMER: If you didn’t read the books, there were many missing pieces and parts that would have made it confusing and dissatisfied. Only fans will be truly satiated. I was. “He” was.

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